Agony Aunt:

until now the meat locker has been dedicated to bringing you the latest in news from die2nite. Today something different, because well, we felt like it and why not. This is our log bay not yours! You know where the door is.

We sent our team of scouts into the world beyond to bring you this story. On return to the 'Meat Locker Incident Planning HQ and baby shoes superstore' - we've realised they did nothing but drink and drugs, passed out on some lawns and messed up a bunch of tents. We had no plan B for todays update, so we've decided to answer some of your letters: ENJOY! (All names modified to protect the innocent parties involved)
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Dear Meat Locker Incident:

me and my friend both think were i love, no problems- except 1 hes 7 years older than me but i really feel like i love him but i dont think he feels the same way towards me and hes sooooo cute and funny and smart but i feel as if im annoying him when we tlk on msn soooo plz plz plz help me im desperate

From: Tri*le R

Ah-hem, well, *cough* you sound like a really swell kinda chick there, I'm suspecting he's only after your large chested distinction. I'd say dump his ass and come hang out at the HQ here - we always need more unsuspecting meat *cough* I mean, hot chicks for our parties.
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Hi Meat Locker Incident:

I've been stalked by some right wing based political part of late, their propaganda has influenced my poor feeble week mind. I've read all the true stories and I can't help but vote Keith. We want a yes man leading us don't we?! Can you help? I feel so confused

From: Lo*dM*ke

Dear L*rd*ike: While I normally would remove your name, clearly there is some hating going on here. We gave it some thought on your behalf, had tea and biscuits, sat around, went outside and chain smoked cigarettes, back inside to play duck hunt on the nes with the hookers.... then while cleaning up the place the next morning noticed your letter again. Its currently in the pile again for review in another 6 months.